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Tuesday, March 1, 2011

My new tools

I mentioned in my intro-post that my husband was leaving. Amazingly enough he has decided to stay. I have been in pursuit of personal growth. Some of this has been psychological, I have learned some new skills in not taking thngs personally and how to reduce anxiety. I have been diagnosed with bi-polar disorder for which I am seeing a psychiatrist, who manages my meds, that control my racing thoughts and some of my strange behavior. I have completed 2 rounds of intensive group therapy(IOP for short) and I see a counselor.

None of us are immune to problems, relationship or otherwise. My current problems stem from learning to take in the world from a place of anger. Even though bi-polar is an emotional disorder I believe I don't feel the emotions I'm having-instead I get angry-my mother dies and instead of despair I get angry. How can anyone love you when your angry at everything, I have made small but significant changes though I know I am still a work in progress and for any change to take hold and flower it takes 100 days.

Over the last 100 days since my intial post I have identified that I have needs and I can fulfill those needs with or without James. I am learning new skills to resolve conflict which has helped every relationship including my clients. I have in the past chosen to isolate my self and not nurture friends. Even if my attempts at becoming a lady who lunches have not been successful I continue to reach out to people and nurture relationships. I haven't quite gotten to the point of having that impromptu party I wrote about in my first post but I did buy the cavier!

My New Tools
- Identify your needs(Is it space? Independance? Concentrated time with your lover? Attention?)
-Communicate mindfully-its not new but it works instead of saying when will you be home for dinner and being annoyed at the answer say I am upset that you don't tell me when you will be home I can't plan dinner, what can we do to resolve this? OR I am concerned that you choose not to tell me when you will be home for dinner I can't plan therefore I am serving dinner @ 6 if your here great if not I'll save you some.
-Try new things: identify some new hobbies that can get your positivity flowing, overcome anxiety by planning for it and managing it.

I have identified an area that I want to work on and then set relative goals. There are many areas to work on with me but working on one impacts another. So pick one and go to work.

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